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Dead on here

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 9, 2013, 10:18 PM
So yeah you know all those times I apologized for being so inactive on here and then nothing changed? Hahaha yeah that's still not gonna change. I took down basically everything on my page since I don't use it, and I'd give away my last weeks of premium if there was a way, cause I heard there was, but I can't figure it out. So oh well. I'll still check my messages but I figured I'd just make it clear that I won't be posting anymore.

    :points:ALSO, I have 105 points that are never getting used, so first comment asking for them gets them. Legit "Can I have your points?" and they're yours. We don't even have to know each other. Just someone take them because I don't need them and I'm not doing some big raffle for a hundred points. :points:

And if you still want to talk to me and see what little art I post I have a tumblr- carry-on-lost-friends.tumblr.c… So go follow me there if your heart desires.

K so yeah

Journal Entry: Sun Apr 14, 2013, 1:42 PM
My computer had no internet for a grand total of 3 weeks so all I could use was my mom's computer which I reallyreallyreally hate and my Ipod and I refuse to use the fuckery that is dA mobile.
But anyways I'm back as long as the internet connection stays up so I might be on more kthxbai


Journal Entry: Sun Feb 17, 2013, 8:05 PM
again i'm not dead i just haven't drawn anything in forty years

*le stolen from Guitar6God*

[ ] you have dry skin.
[ ] you eat 1 meal.
[ ] you're very weak.
[X] you hate your body.
[ ] you starve yourself.
[ ] you have low self esteem.
[ ] you use laxatives.
[X] you need to be more skinny.
[ ] people always say you're skinny, but you think fat.
[ ] people think you are too skinny.
Total: 2

[X] your mind is all over the place.
[ ] you are hyper most of the time.
[ ] you barely pay attention to anything.
[X] you cannot cooperate with people well.
[X] you seem to never sit still.
[ ] you talk all the time.
[ ] you need attention
Total: 3

[X] you can act wild at times then the next day you are depressed.
[X] you are very irritable.
[X] you barely get any or no sleep.
[X] you are anti-social.
[X] you have very high self esteem at times.
[ ] you are abusing alcohol, drugs, or sex.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
Total: 5

[ ] you throw up all of your food.
[ ] you throw it up even when you don't feel sick.
[X] you have no control over how you eat. (cause my mom won't stop filling the damn house with junk)
[ ] you use laxatives.
[X] you have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out.
[ ] you always say you are fat, when you aren't.
[ ] people think you are way too skinny.
Total: 2

[ ] you are a bully.
[X] you threaten other people.
[ ] you often find yourself in fights.
[X] you have used a weapon that could cause injury to others.
[ ] you are cruel to humans and/or animals.
[ ] you have raped/molested someone.
[ ] you destroy property on purpose.
[X] you always lie.
[ ] you stay out all night.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
Total: 3

[ ] you are always sad.
[ ] you find no hope in your future.
[/] you find no longer excitement over the activities you used to love
[X] you always find yourself around the house or in bed all day.
[X] you can be/are anti-social.
[ ] you have low self esteem.
[X] everything bad that happens is always your fault.
[ ] you always seem to be weak or have physical features hurt.
[ ] you are failing school.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
[ ] hope is no longer there for you.
Total: 3.5

[ ] you have daily rituals.
[X] you have disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate.
[ ] you have to do a certain thing until it feels right.
[ ] you have to keep things in a certain order.
[X] you have harmed yourself.
[ ] you are afraid you will get an STD, AIDS, or any kind of germs.
[X] you have to check some stuff over again.
Total: 3

[X] you repeatedly have flashbacks of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[ ] you repeatedly have dreams of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[X] you sometimes think the event will happen again.
[ ] you feel highly uncomfortable when remembered/remembering the event.
[X] you can be/are anti-social.
[X]you have lost interest in the things you used to love.
[X] you have not had a lot of sleep lately.
[X] you worry about dying at an early age or dying at all.
[X] you can have angry outbursts.
[ ] you act younger than your age.
Total: 7

[/] you often have hallucinations (seeing things or hearing things that aren't there).
[X] you have strange, unusual dreams or thoughts.
[/] you can be confused about reality and fantasy.
[ ] you think people are always staring or talking about you.
[X] you have extreme anxiety or fearfulness.
[X] you have difficulty with relationships with family, friends, and opposite sex.
[X] you do not take of your hygiene like you should.  
[ ] you are very shy.
[X] you often talk to yourself.
Total: 6

Anorexia: 2
Bipolar disorder: 5
Bulima: 2
Conduct disorder: 3
Depression: 3.5
OCD: 3
Schizophrenia: 6


Journal Entry: Tue Jan 8, 2013, 10:10 PM
100 Questions for a DeviantARTIST

01.] What is your pen name?
I-ah.uhaslk I don't fucking know.

02.] What made you choose this name?

03.] Do you use PC or Mac?
PC.     Mac's are Aassholes

04.] What programs do you use most often?
Gimp 2.6

05.] Do you use mouse, or tablet?

06.] What color or color combinations do you find yourself using most often?
Dark, monotone colors; sometimes with bright splashes. No particular colors...

07.] What part of a picture do you put most effort into?
Lineart and shading

08.] How long does it take you do draw a picture?
If I get distracted sometimes and hour or more but usually like 30 minutes

09.] Do you keep your rough drafts?
... Wat are rough drafts

10.] What font do you use most often?
Like I'm gonna go fucking look

11.] When you scan your image, what DPI do you use?
I don't know my scanner doesn't tell me

12.] Do you do anything else when you're drawing?
Listen to music and scroll endlessly through tumblr.

13.] Approximately how many pictures do you draw in a month?
Lately about 3 or 4.

14.] What kind of paper do you draw your pictures on?
If I have it my sketchpad. The pages are a little thicker than plain computer paper

15.] What kind of paper do you use for rough sketches and drafts?
Dude wat tha fuck are rough drafts i have not heard of thees shit

16.] How long does it take you to ink something?

17.] Do you do comics, or fan comics?

18.] Do you like comics? Are they fun to make?
I like them but I don't have the patience to make one yet

19.] Have you ever submitted anything to a magazine?
Shut the fuck up

20.] Did it get published?
I said shut the fuck up

21.] Who are your favorite artists?

22.] Do you like anime/manga? If so, what are your favorite series?
Fullmetal Alchemist, Hetalia, Pokemon-shut-the-fuck-up-its-considered-anime.

23.] Do you like cartoons/comics? If so, what are your favorite series?
No. American cartoons are shit. Except Family Guy. Seth Macfarlane is a dope guy.

24.] Any artists that you wish you could draw like?
Alyx-XCV //sob he is beautiful

25.] Do you read a lot of books?
I have a lot I'm still trying to get through them all

26.] Did you ever buy a book to inspire or teach you to draw?

27.] Any video games you enjoy?
Sims 3, Plants vs Zombies, LoZ: Skyward Sword...

28.] Any favorite characters from video games?
Link you sexy motherfucker

29.] Do you have a favorite writer?
Not in particular no

30.] Any books you really enjoy?
It really depends on what it's about.

31.] Do you draw fanart?
I've tried.

32.] Do you listen to music while you draw?

33.] Any recommended songs?


34.] Any other art websites that you really enjoy?
Tumblr. Twitter. Youtube.

35.] Are there any websites that you go to everyday?
My homepages are: Deviantart, Youtube, Sparkpeople, Tumblr, a tumblr page i really like, Facebook, and Twitter so yeah I go on those everyday.

36.] What is your dream website like?
I don't fucking care

37.] Do you like your own art?
Sometimes yeah

38.] What do you enjoy watching on television?
Family Guy and Ridiculousness. But I hardly ever watch TV I'm too busy on Tumblr

39.] Favorite celebrity?
Andy Biersack, Dahvie Vanity, an' Dane Cook

40.] Favorite color?
Fuck you colors are all equal Shit Brown and Sky Blue are both equally beautiful so shut up and stop excluding colors you judgmental assholes

41.] Favorite food?
Mac and Cheese

42.] Favorite drink?
Malk or Cran-raspberry juice

43.] Do you like to go shopping? If yes, where? And for what?
Yesssss. Hot Topic, Tilly's, Spencers, TJ Maxx and lots of others

44.] Can you cook?
Oh hell yes I just can't find the right ingredients on my own :P

45.] Any devices you use often for email?
Devices....? Uhm I have gmail and and IPod

46.] Are you tech-savvy?
Yup Yup Yup

47.] Do you want to become a professional artist?
Yeah. Either in traditional are or web designing

48.] Are there any other jobs you're interested in?
Kind of a vet but I would cry so much. There's more but I'm brain dead on that topic now

49.] Any other hobbies or skills besides drawing?
Hm karate bowling and understanding intricate nerdy jokes

50.] Do you like to watch movies?

51.] What's your favorite movie?
Suicide Room (It's in Polish/French I'm not sure which but it's on youtube) and Bridge to Terabithia

52.] Have you ever entered an art contest, here at DeviantART or otherwise?
hahaahaahaha no

53.] When did you start drawing seriously?
Lol I don't

54.] Do you use references? If so, for what?
Background scenery and sometimes poses

55.] Are you a subscriber? If so, are you a beta-tester?
Yup yup.

56.] Do you have a lot of net friends?
Lol no. I'm more secluded on the internet than real life it's really sad actually

57.] Do you have a lot of friends that also draw?
in real life like 3

58.] What time of the day do you usually go online?
After school to about 1:00 am

59.] Do you like to go to chat rooms?
No. Extreme Social Anxiety I accept a friend request on facebook and feel like a champion for it.

60.] Do you have your own computer?

61.] What would you say to the person that you admire?
You've saved so many lives and given so many people something to live for and I hope I can dedicate my life to doing that someday too.

62.] Does your mind wander when you draw?
Yeah sorta

63.] Have you drawn poorly because you think too much?
Yeah. I have to stop thinking about anatomy and just flipping draw for once

64.] Do you have any friends who are professional artists?
Uhhm art teacher at my school

65.] Where do you often hang out?
In my room, at the library, away from any human being as much as possible.

66.] Are there any popular artists that you don't like much? (no need to name names if you don't want to)
No but I can name about 50 bullshit celebrities

67.] Are there any situations in which you really don't like being a DeviantARTIST?
... I don't really now

68.] How about situations that make you love it?
The amazing art I find that spurs me on to be like them someday

69.] What's the one thing that makes you grateful that the internet exists?

70.] Is there anything out there that makes you wish the internet didn't exist?

71.] What's your first Deviation?
Ahaha either my deviantID or s shit picture of Sunclaw

72.] Any art you did prior to that?
Yeah but just random shitdoodles and tracings

73.] Has your style changed a lot since joining DeviantART?
Oh most definetely

74.] If it has changed, it what ways?
I hardly ever do digital anymore, better at shading, sort of improved anatomy (lol even though all I draw is chibis)

75.] Have you experienced artist's block before?

76.] If so, how do you usually get out of it?
Coming up with a new character and then dropping it into hell after the art block is gone

77.] What do you do when you can't get out it?
Keep making new characters and dropping them into hell when it doesn't work

78.] Any Deviants that have influenced you?
Lol the guy I've mentioned twice

80.] What made you want to join DeviantART?
RockstarMiddy Dis bitch told me bout it and I wuz all 'hey. I draw. Imma draw for people now.'

81.] Has anything ever made you want to quit DeviantART?

82.] What do you think about netiquette?

83.] Have you ever been spammed or trolled?
Lol no one would waste their time trolling me

84.] Ever thought about quitting art all together?
Of course not

85.] If so, why?

86.] Do you upload high quality versions of your art?
I guess I try

87.] Do you have custom CSS? If so, did you make it yourself?
I don't much css coding ;-;

88.] Do you have good vision?

89.] If you can get anyone's autograph, whose would you get?
Andy Biersack, Dahvie Vanity, Jayy Von Monroe c:

90.] What would you say to that person when he or she gives you an autograph?
What I said in the question before about what I'd say to the person I admire
Cos that's who I admire. and it's only true.

91.] Do you like to draw on Oekaki BBS?

92.] Do you have a job?

93.] Did you take art in school? If so, did you do well? Are you still taking it?
In elementary school yeah cause we didn't have a choice but I wouldn't do it for school now. I don't want to be graded on how well I draw or what style I use.

94.] Have you taken art lessons outside of a school setting?
Do art clubs count?

95.] Have you ever drawn something just because it was the cool thing to do -- the hip new fad?
No but I write random shit all over everything I have

96.] What's your favorite phrase/quote?
Don't make me choose dammit

97.] Do you present yourself differently online than you do in your real life?
Haha yes I don't present myself at all

98.] What's your goal now?
Stop being a social derp when people don't even know who you are.

99.] What do you have to say to yourself?
Fuck you

100.] Lastly, what do you have to say to everyone who read this?
Fuck your mother.

And if you bother reading to here I got my braces off this morning and I'm really fucking sad and angry cause I fucking like them yes I'm the only kid on the planet who actually loved braces and my mouth is fucking boring and by face is just nothing without them and I want my braces back on and fuck I cried once cause I miss them.
So fuck you I'm mad

Someone count how many times I wrote fuck in this journal

Best night of my entire life

Journal Entry: Sat Jan 5, 2013, 11:22 PM
Went to my first show with my brother and his friends and saw Romance Mechanics, Greely Estates, William Control, and Black Veil Brides. Damn those guys can put on a show! So I'm tired as hell and I won't go into detail, but if there's a heaven on earth, that's where I was tonight. Felt like crap for about 20 minutes afterwards but it was so worth it.

And I'm definitely not claustrophobic anymore.

Whoop Black

Journal Entry: Thu Jan 3, 2013, 2:50 PM
[x] You get angry a lot.
[ ] You love the hot weather. (fuq dat shit)
[ ] You play a lot of sports.
[ ] Out of all your friends you are the most outgoing.
[x] You hate being pushed around.
[ ] You are very active.
[ ] You get embarrassed often.
[x] You love spicy foods
Total: 3

[x] You like soft music.
[x] You love mints.
[ ] You are very collected.
[x] You love spending time outdoors.
[ ] You are mostly organized.
[x] Your favourite season is winter.
[ ] You like elephants.
Total: 4

[ ] You are told that you make people happy.
[ ] You help the environment.
[ ] You donate lots of money to organizations. (I would if I had any money dammit)
[x] You have a pet.
[ ] You have a lot of plants in your house.
[ ] You like camping.
[ ] You dress practical.
[ ] You give your old clothes to the Salvation Army.
Total: 1

[ ] You are loud.
[x] You have a phone with a keyboard.
[ ] You play basketball.
[ ] You are outgoing.
[x] You are unique.
[x] You like being creative.
[x] You aren't afraid to show your true feelings.
[ ] You want to be a forensics scientist, an FBI agent, or something along those lines.
Total: 4

[ ] You follow trends.
[ ] You are considered preppy.
[x] You straighten your hair every day.
[ ] You only buy name brand clothes.
[x] You like cute things.
[ ] You love small dogs.
[ ] You listen to mainstream music.
[ ] You get your nails done. (Bitch I just do it myself)
Total: 2

[ ] Summer is your favorite season.
[ ] You love to tan.
[x] Birds are one of your favorite animals.
[ ] You are laid back.
[ ] You would rather spend a day with your close friends at your house than going out partying.
[ ] You like lemon in your soda.
[ ] You mostly drink water
[x] You spend a lot of time watching tv or on the computer.
Total: 2

[ ] You are often bored.
[ ] You aren't very creative.
[ ] You spend a lot of time relaxing.
[ ] You like to save money.
[ ] You listen to classical music.
[x] You play piano.
[x] You try not to judge people.
[ ] You don't like shopping for clothes. (Okay honestly I don't know why people hate clothes shopping I mean you get to pick out stuff that expresses yourself, what you love, stuff like that. I fucking love it)
Total: 2

[x] You shop at Hot Topic.
[x] you wear black eyeliner and/or nail polish.
[ ] You are often depressed.
[x] People call you Gothic or emo.
[ ] You always type in black font on MSN. (Wat.)
[x] Night is your favorite time of day.
[x] You hate school.
[x] You listen to metal music.
Total: 6

[ ] You often wear neutral colors such as brown, tan, gray, and white.
[ ] You just like to blend in.
[ ] You are very shy.
[ ] Fall is your favorite season.
[x] You get good grades in school.
[ ] You like the same kind of music as most of your friends.
[ ] You wear your hair up most of the time.
Total: 1

woops black 6


Trololol Bandwagon Time

Journal Entry: Tue Jan 1, 2013, 12:01 AM
Lol oops late.

1: What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?

:iconhurrplz: Lot's of shit.

2: Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't remember my resolution for 2012. Next year I guess I'll try to stay active and get a social life cause I sat on my ass about 8 hours every day.

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?

A couple of my friends siblings and my mom's boyfriend's daughter. :shrug:

4: Did anyone close to you die?


5: What countries did you visit?

Lol America

6: What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

Social life. Social skills. A life.

7: What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

September 27th and 7th. You shall never know.

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Succesfully cutting my own hair

9: What was your biggest failure?

Uhhmmhhhhhdfalsdfjhgadkf. Okay I'm a nerd but I completely bombed my math final.

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?


11: What was the best thing you bought?

I don't fuckin know man

12: Whose behavior merited celebration?


13: Whose behavior made you appalled?

Ohohoho plenty of people's

14: Where did most of your money go?

Cd's and T-shirts

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?

We got dog =P

16: What song will always remind you of 2012?

Unforgiven. :shrug:

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) Happier definitely.
(b) Actually I think I weigh the same as last year.
(c) I guess richer. Imma save my money this year to go to concerts.

18: What do you wish you'd done more of?

Lol exercise.

19: What do you wish you'd done less of?


20: How did you spend Christmas?

Wid da fam

21: Did you fall in love in 2012?

For a month yeah actually.

22: What was your favorite TV program?

Family Guy

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?


24: What was the best book you read?

Oh My Goth

25: What was your greatest musical discovery?

Botdf (I think that was this year), La Dispute, Regina Spektor, Say Anything, every DJ I listen to... Yup.

26: What did you want and get?

An IPod Touch c:

27: What did you want and not get?

Most of the cd's and t-shirts that made up 90% of my Christmas list.

28: What was your favorite movie of this year?

Suicide Room

29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Making a Tumblr account //shot

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

Uhhm...Scene/emo/rebel-ish. Definitely different than anyone I know.

31: What kept you sane?

Tumblr and Botdf <3

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Lol Dahvie

33: What political issue stirred you the most?

I dunno a lot of did. Kony, Uganda's 'kill the gays' bill, global warming. The shit.

34: Who did you miss?

Won't say

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

Life is gonna pick you up, put you down, scream lies in your face, and throw everything it has at you, and all you can do is fight back as hard as you can.

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I think you ought to stay away from here there are ghosts in the walls and they crawl in your head through your ear.

some of this was interpretive so figure it out yourself

asdfkhkg new shit right before christmas

Journal Entry: Tue Dec 4, 2012, 4:21 PM
So I ordered a bunch of stuff from the Deviantart store and omgiwantittobeherenowsoicanputallthekeychainsonmybackpackandbeanerd
I got that and the Accessory pack and a shirt and the little dA key chain. And I'm fucking happy. And christmas is hardly 20 days away.
I was gonna order some Botdf merch from bigcartel but anything I wanted was kinda overpriced and I'd only get 2 things and yeah now I have like 10 for the same*coughlowercough* price

Lol not like anyone cares but whoopdeedoo I'm not dead.

But I am out of money.

Loledit: So it's been like, 24 days. Supposed to be here within 2 weeks of shipping. which was 22 days ago. Ya know. Just sittin here patiently. I want my keychains dammit

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Sun Nov 11, 2012, 8:49 PM
I'm not dead.

1. Are you highly attracted to anyone right now?

2. If someone looked ON your bed, what would they find?
Green. Green everywhere. If you looked hard enough, probably a rawhide dog bone.

3. Last person to take off your pants?

4. Have you ever sneaked someone over to your house?

5. How do you feel about your hair right now?
Gresy as fuck cause I haven't showered in 4 days.

6. Do you hate it when people try to play with your hair?

7. Could you go a day without eating?

8. Did you speak to your father today?

9. If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

10. Would you be able to name everyone you kissed this year?

11. Would you rather have your parents catch you having sex or smoking weed?
Smoking weed xD

12. How many drugs are in your system?

13. Do you fall for people easily?

14. When is the next time you will kiss someone of the opposite sex?
How the fuck would I know

15. Do you have to sleep with a television on?
No, but I have to have a fan on.

16. Has anyone said they love you in the last week?

17. Think back to June... Who did you like?
Ha. No one.

18. Do you have a secret that you've never told ANYONE?
lol lots bro.

19. What were you doing before you sat down at the computer?
I don't fucking know. Lots of stuff :P

20. Are you a very opinionated person? Or do you keep mum about things?
Wat. Um... I express my opinions lots...

21. So I have to know, what are your thoughts on 2012?
I love how last year everyone was freaking out about the end of the world and now it's *coughtnotcough* a month away and no one gives a shit. Lol it's not ending. But as far as life goes this year was pretty fucked up.

22. Have you had a very good day? Or was it bad? Why or why not?
Bad. I was in Prescott freezing my ass off for the past 20 hours.

23. Is your favorite color stereotypical for your gender?
Black and green. Nah I don't think so.

24. If you had to choose someone to sleep next to every night, and wake up to, who would it be?
Not telliiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnn. Cos my friends would hate me so fucking much

25. Do you look decent when you wake up?
If I flatten my hair then- What the fuck am I saying no.

26. Are you happy?
Well I'm listening to techno so I guess.

27. Will tomorrow be better than today?

28. Were you happy when you woke up today?
Lolno I woke up in a stuffy cold room full of a bunch of little kids.

29. What mood are you in right now?
Content. Sad as fuck in the back of my mind.

30. When was the last time you held hands with someone?
For reals like a couple months ago.

31. Do you like someone right now?
Oh my Gandhi yuuusssssss

32. Will you regret your next kiss?
How would I know who my next kiss is?

33. Who was the last person you gave the finger to?
My dad. He didn't see.

34. Have you ever liked someone older then you?

35. Do you like your name?

36. Have you ever talked to a cop drunk?
I've never talked to a cop. ;____;

37. Do you miss someone right now?

38. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
My mom would scream at me. My dad would scream at me. So yeah.

39. Was this the best summer of your life?
No. I didn't so shit.

40. The past two nights, where did you sleep?
On a futon, and then in a freaking 40 degrees ranch daycare kind of thing with a bunch of little kids.

41. Who's the person that hurt you most in life recently?
Ex boyfriend

42. Do you still talk to them?
I want to ;______;

43. Hungry?

44. Do you keep a journal?

Cause why the fuck not.

Journal Entry: Mon Oct 29, 2012, 6:50 PM
[] I'm loud
[] I'm obnoxious.
[x] I'm sarcastic.
[x] I'm cocky.
[] I cry easily.  
[] I have a bad temper.
[/] I'm easy to get along with. ( I... guess?)
[] I have more enemies than friends. ( I don't know how many actual enemies I have)
[] I've smoked cigarettes
[] I've smoked weed.( So damn close ;_; )
[] I drink coffee.
[] I clean my room daily.

My appearance:

[x] I wear makeup. (Sadly yes.)
[x] I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.
[] I wear contacts.
[] I wear glasses.
[x] I have/had braces.
[] I change my hair colour often.
[x] I straighten my hair often.
[/] I have a piercing. (Ears?)


[] I'm in a relationship now.
[x] I'm single.
[x] I'm crushing
[x] I'm always scared of being hurt.
[] An ex has physically abused me at least once.
[] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't
[] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've been in love more than two times. (Twice)
[] I believe in love at first sight.
[] I believe lust is more important than love.
[x] I believe love is more important than lust.


[x] I have a best friend(s).  
[] I have at least ten friends.
[] I've gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.
[] I've beaten up a friend.
[x] I've been in a serious fight with a friend.
[] I can trust at least five people with my life.


[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been on a train. (Does the metro rail count? xP)
[] Someone close to me has died.
[x] I've taken a taxi.
[] I've taken a city bus.
[x] I've taken a school bus.
[] I've gone bungee jumping.
[x] I've made a speech.
[x] I've been in some sort of club.
[x] I've won an award.
[] I've spent 24 hours on the computer straight. (I'm not gonna lie even I can't do that.)
[] I've been in a physical fight.


[] I listen to Hip Hop
[x] I listen to pop.
[x] I listen to dubstep.
[x] I listen to rock.
[x] I'm one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.  
[x] I hate the radio.
[] I download music.
[x] I buy CD's.  


[] I spend at least six hours a day watching television.
[] I watch soap operas daily.
[] I'm in love with 90210/Glee.
[] I've seen and liked the O.C.
[] I've seen and liked One Tree Hill.
[] I've seen and liked Americas Next Top Model.
[] I've seen and liked Popular.
[] I've seen and liked 24.
[] I've seen and liked CSI.
[] I've seen and liked Everwood.
[] I've seen and liked Degrassi.


Family Life:

[x] I get along with both of my parents.
[] My biological parents are still together.
[x] I have at least one brother.  
[] I have at least one sister.
[] I have at least one step brother/sister.
[] I have at least one half brother/sister.
[] I've been kicked out of the house.
[] I've ran away from my home.
[] I've sworn at my parents.
[] I've made my parents cry.
[x] I've lied to my parents.
[x] I've lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I've lied to my parents about what I'm doing.
[] I've lied to my parents so I'd be allowed out.
[] I've walked out when I've been grounded.


[x] I've been brown.
[] I've had streaks.
[x] I've cut my hair in the past year.
[] I've dyed my hair in the past year.
[] I've been blonde.
[] I've had black.
[] I've been red.
[x] I've been light brown.
[] I've been blue/green.
[x] I've gotten my hair thinned.
[x] I use conditioner.
[] I've used silk therapy.
[] I've used hot oil treatments.
[] I've curled my hair.
[x] I've straightened my hair.
[] I've ironed my hair.
[x] I've braided my hair.




[] I've yelled at a teacher.  
[] I've been suspended
[] I've had an in-school suspension.
[] I've been sent to the principals office.
[] I've walked out of class.
[] I've skipped an entire day of school.
[] I've skipped a whole month of one certain class.
[x] I've failed a test.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've helped someone else cheat on a test.
[] I've failed Art.
[] I've failed P.E.
[] I've failed math.
[] I've failed another class.
[] A teacher has called my parents.

oTL I'm one of those goodygoody students that never gets in trouble. Fahk.

So yup. I'm still not dead. I promise.

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Mon Oct 15, 2012, 3:06 PM
I steal memes.And I'm not dead.

...Yup yup.

January 25

No ooooone.

Sunny D

A frieeeeend



mmmmmmm Chandler AZ

No one.


oTL 10 hours to Northern California




mmmmm *checks phone* My dad.


Last Night by Breathe Carolina <3




I dunno


-____________________________- Y?
Aquarius c:


Journal Entry: Mon Oct 8, 2012, 8:45 PM
So I made a tumblr like the mainstream derp I am.

Go follow me and maybe I'll start using it for something.

Le Meme

Journal Entry: Sun Sep 30, 2012, 9:34 PM
*le stolen meme to let chu know i'm not dead*

ONE - Spell your name without vowels: Tln
TWO - Are you single?: Lol I can actually say no to this question now.
THREE - Whats your favorite number?: 14
FOUR - What color do you wear most?: I have no idea anymore.
FIVE - Least favorite color?: Color's are all equally bootiful to me :l
SIX - Favorite candy?: York peppermint patties
SEVEN - What do you smoke?: Crack 24/7
EIGHT - Are you happy with your life right now?: Lol this month, yush.
NINE - Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?: No.
TEN - What is your favorite class in school?: PE. My class is fucking hilarious.
ELEVEN - Do you shop at Hollister/DC/Bluenotes?: FUCK NO THOSE STORES CAN GO DIE.
TWELVE - How do you make money?: I don't
THIRTEEN - Who is your best friend?: RockstarMiddy Lilythewolf2 An a few others.
FOURTEEN - Where do you go to school?: Mesquite


FIFTEEN - Are you outgoing?: To a point I guess.
SIXTEEN - One word to describe you?: Dayum.
SEVENTEEN - Favorite pair of shoes?: Airwalks
EIGHTEEN - Do you own big sunglasses?: Nah. I just stay outta the sun. All the time.
NINETEEN - Where do you wish you were right now?: Seattle
TWENTY - What should you be doing right now?: Homework
TWENTY ONE - Do you have a crush on anyone right now?: Yup, and they know. And it's his birthday today and I feel so bad cause I didn't get him anything cause I'm terrible at coming up with gift ideas and ;______________;

Honestly, what's on your mind right now?: The fact that I didn't get him anything. ;__;
Honestly, what are you doing right now?: Lolthis.
Honestly, have you done something bad today?: Um, I dunno.
Honestly, do you watch Disney Channel?: Lolnope.
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?: Umm, Middy I think.
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?: LolwhywouldIbe?
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?: My laggy ass computer.
Honestly, do you bite your nails?: Lolew.
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?: Maybeh
Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now?: ...Yush. Lol it's not really that big though.
Honestly, do you have a friend you don't actually like?: Not really.

Le Update of Joy

Journal Entry: Sun Sep 23, 2012, 4:10 PM
:bulletblue: Ya know? Ya know that journal I posted a few days ago? The one about getting a dog? Yes. We got a dog. Not the kind we were looking for. But better. It's a German Shepard mix. But mostly German Shepard. Her name is Maya. And she is beautiful. And sweet. And adorable. And I love her already. Even though we've only had her for 4 hours.
Lol might post some pictures if she can hold still long enough for one.

:bulletblue: Last night during Cry's drunken livestream, I sharpied a little notebook completely black. so I'm just gonna put whatever the hell in it, drawings, random blurbs of stuff I wanna say, math homework, you know. Just random stuff like that. And then eventually I'll compile it into a bunch of sketch dumps.

:bulletblue: Ohmygahd I actually didn't get any homework this weekend. Not that I would have done it if I did. So I'm happy.

:bulletblue: Haha, I just realized something. This September was legitimately the best month of my entire life. First boyfriend, first kiss, first time getting a dog, got some clothes and jewelry and whatnot that are more my style now, actually getting shit done... Yeah. I guess life decided to give me a break for once...

:bulletblue: And if anyone actually reads this far, do you gais have any ideas for what I could be for Halloween? I though about going as Cry, but figured the mask would be a big problem... But I might not bother going this year if I don't come up with a decent costume. I mean, if I want candy, I could just wait till the day after and then raid stores for leftover bags of sweets on clearance. Seriously, I could get 3 times as much shit as on Halloween for like, $10.
But anyways, if you have any good ideas, tell me. I still love Halloween, I just dunno what to dress up as.

Oh My Dog.

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 20, 2012, 8:23 PM








Le Update -3-

Journal Entry: Mon Sep 10, 2012, 11:15 PM
:bulletblue: oTL I'm almost done with my half of the art trade Brighty. I'm just trying out a new way of shading, and it's just taking a little while cause I'm not used to it. Trying to like, find a light-source and then bend the shadows like it's a 3d character. Which is hard to do with pokemon cause the cartoon is completely 2d and doesn't give you any clues with anatomy and shit. So yeah. Pain in the ass. But it looks so much damn better.

:bulletblue: First school dance was awesome. Lol even tho I poofed like, 10 minutes in and probably drove Middy and all my other friends crazyer when they were looking for me. And either one of my friends started telling people I was dating another kid that goes to my school, or people just noticed we were gone or everyone read my facebook status because this morning, (HOLY SHIT LOUD THUNDER) some girls were all like "OMG YOU'RE DATING CHARLES???", and then one of them basically interrogated me about it during P.E.
So yeah. Fun day.

:bulletblue: I'm still sorry I've been an inactive derp for the past Idontevenknowhowlong, but I'll try to- know what? fuck it. saying that never worked before. why would it work now? I'll find my imagination eventually. Let's just put it that way.

:bulletblue: I slammed my hand in a car door this morning. My left hand. Like I was possessed or something. I basically said "Screw you train of thought." And just slammed my hand in a car door.

That is all.

School Blackout

Journal Entry: Thu Aug 23, 2012, 9:13 PM
Gym: best class to be in during a blackout. We were doing warm-ups or whatever, when a generator or something blew in the school. I swear to ghandi, every damn girl screamed. So while we were sitting in a corner of the gym waiting to see if the power would come back on, one girl started asking if there had ever been like, creepers on campus or something, then she said something to the effect of this: "I'm kind of paranoid about this kind of stuff, but what if there was some creepy guy at school that cut off the power so we would all scream so he'd know where we were and then came and raped us?" The teacher laughed pretty hard at that, and then told her she'd would beat him up before he'd get anywhere, and then the girl was all "But what if there were multiple rapists?" Lol I don't remember what they said after that, but that was like, all everyone was talking about in the locker room. So after a while, the other gym teacher ran in there and screamed really fucking loud like a dude (Like, screamo scream loud). At least 5 girls fell over screaming. (Lol so much scream) And then another 5 backed up against the wall when the next class knocked on the door. (We didn't have the bell to know when classes were)
So then we had the next 2 hours of school in dark, hot rooms until lunch. Which wasn't much better, except the principle orders pizza and subs since there wasn't any food to serve. The power eventually came back on, but if it stayed out for another 30 minutes we would've gotten to go home.

So it was a pretty cool schoolday.

Fahking School

Journal Entry: Tue Aug 7, 2012, 5:36 PM
:bulletblue: So school starts tomorrow... I have to get up at fahking 6:30 now ;___; And my damn schedule makes me walk across the whole school about 4 times. So unless I can find some time to draw during class, there could be more or less stuff that I post. (If I do have time to draw and actually get more inspiration from not sitting in my room all day, or I have no time at school and have to do everything at home) But I'll be drawing shitdoodles all over my homework anyways, so I'll get some stuff done at school.


:bulletblue: I am obsessed with pen spinning. Great way to pass the time in class.

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Fri Aug 3, 2012, 1:03 PM
I'm staying with my dad this weekend at his apartment, but he doesn't have a laptop anymore, so no Interwebs.  ;_;
And his apartment had a bad cockroach infestation,(not bad, there wasn't a shit-fuck ton of them, but ANY bug infestation is bad to me)  but apparently they sprayed it 3 times, and there haven't been any for a few days, but I still don't wanna go. But I'll work on some sketches while I'm there so hopefully I have something to upload when I get back.

On another note, (If you care about my fan-girling) there was this awesome dude at payless shoe store the other day (he worked there), I got new Airwalks, FUCK YES!! the top layer of his hair was dyed blond, and he just looked freakin awesome. It was kinda weird tho he said that when the shoes I got came in stock, he really liked them and got a pair for himself (they're kinda girly shoes). But anyways, he said he used to work at Spencer's, and Dahvie and Jayy went there a lot so he knew them, and I found out that they live like, 5 minutes from my house. I frickin fan-girled the whole drive home.
I live in Arizona if you didn't know


Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Sat Jul 28, 2012, 9:44 AM
Let's see just how much shit is wrong with me. :la:

[x] You hate your body.
[ ] You have starved yourself.
[x] You have low self esteem.
[ ] You use laxatives.
[ ] You need to be skinnier.
[ ] People always say you're skinny, but you think fat.
[ ] People think you are way too skinny.
[x] You skip at least one meal a day. (Haven't had a real breakfast or lunch for about a month)
[x] You limit your calories or check them constantly by compulsion. (I watch too many of those British eating disorder shows //sob)

[ ] You are hyper most of the time.
[ ] You barely pay attention to anything.
[x] You cannot cooperate with people well.
[x] You seem to never sit still.
[ ] You talk all the time.
[ ] You need attention 24/7.
[ ] You aren't very shy.

Bipolar Disorder
[x] You can act wild at times then the next you are severely depressed.
[x] You are very irritable.
[x] You barely get any or no sleep.
[x] You have very high self esteem at times. (occasionally if I'm in a good mood)
[ ] You have used or abused alcohol, drugs, or sex.
[x] You have thought of/attempted suicide.
[x] You have the worst mood swings of anyone you know.

Bulimia Nervosa
[ ] You've thrown up all your food at one time.
[ ] You thrown it up even when you don't feel sick.
[ ] You have little control over how you eat.
[ ] You use laxatives.
[/] You eat fast. (It depends on what mood I'm in)
[ ] You have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out.
[ ] People think you are way too skinny.

Conduct Disorder
[ ] You are a bully.
[x] You threaten other people. (Only if they're being cocky assholes. Or threaten me or a friend first)
[ ] You often find yourself in fights.
[x] You have used a weapon that could cause injury to others. (lol in karate class.)
[ ] You are cruel to humans and/or animals.
[ ] You have raped/molested someone. (What kind of idiot would check that even if it was true? :facepalm:)
[x] You destroy property on purpose. (I'm constanly looking for worthless little things to cut in half.)
[/] You always lie.
[ ] You've stayed out all night.
[ ] You have attempted to run away from home.

[ ] You are always, or normally, feel sad.
[ ] You always, or normally, are crying.
[ ] You find no hope in your future.
[x] You no find longer excitement over the activities you used to love.
[x] You always find yourself around the house or in bed all day.
[x] You are anti-social.
[x] You have low self esteem. (It's said this like 3 times already)
[ ] Everything bad that happens is always your fault.
[ ] Hope is no longer there for you.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
[x] You have disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate.
[ ] You have to do a certain thing until it feels right.
[ ] You have to keep things in a certain order.
[ ] You have harmed yourself.
[ ] You are afraid you will get an STD, or AIDS.
[x] You have to check some stuff over again.

Schizophrenia / Anxiety
[ ] You often have hallucinations or sudden memories you can't escape.
[x] You can be confused about reality and fantasy. (Every once in a while when I wake up sometimes. Like I forget I'm not dreaming anymore.)
[x] You think people are always staring or talking about you.
[x] You have an extreme anxiety or fearfulness.
[ ] You have difficulty with relationships with family, friends, and opposite/same
[x] You do not take care of your hygiene as much as others say you should.
[ ] You are very shy.
[x] You often talk to yourself. (Psshh. Way more than I assume is healthy.)

[x] You listen to songs with dark meanings.
[x] You are influenced by dark media and tones.
[ ] You are a goth by Urban Dictionary definition 1. (lolnope)
[x] You often plot crimes in your head for fun.
[ ] You are not to be trusted with a weapon.
[x] Your favorite color is black.
[x] You prefer evil over good in movies. (Because the villain is always sexier than the hero  -A-)
[x] You are most often alone.
[x] You prefer to be cold rather than warm
[x] Next to Black, your favorite color is a dark shaded color.
[x] War fascinates you.
[x] You like violence and gore.
[x] You are rebellious.
...Holy shit bro...

Total: 38

0-5: You're very normal.
6-15: You're fine.
16-20: You might be okay.
21-30: You have problems.  
31-35: You have really bad problems. You might need to see a therapist.